she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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