I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
