Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
