My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
