there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
