O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
