I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
