when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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