Will you blow on my dice?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
