Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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