3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
