i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
vagina is talking i cant
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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