My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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