Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
