Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
