Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
