Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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