mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
