Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
