Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
