God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
