You just made me feel so damn special
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
