kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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