I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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