So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
