Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
