People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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