Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
