This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
