I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
