Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
