apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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