I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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