yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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