so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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