I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
