She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
