How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
