You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
