i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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