She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
