Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
