i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
