We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
a search helicopter?!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
