I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
