Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
