I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
