Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
