He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
