We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
