you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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