remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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